A few months ago I wrote an article about 50 thoughts that travel through my mind on a daily basis. If you missed it, here it is: 50 Thoughts That I have Between Sunrise and Sunset. I took some heat in the comment section, stating that other people besides me apparently also have thoughts; including men. I wrote the piece to give a glimpse into my mind, not to state that others walk around with an empty head. However those comments prompted me to think about the thoughts my husband has on a daily basis.

Here is the speculated list of thoughts that I believe run though my husbands head from sunrise to sunset.

  1. I better hurry, I hit the snooze like ten times this morning.
  2. Did I shower last night? I’ll put on extra deodorant.
  3. Oh good, the wife bought me body spray, that will work.
  4. I don’t know if this tie matches. She is still asleep, should I wake her to ask?
  5. Shit, she looked pissed when I woke her up to ask about my tie.
  6. Why is there no food in the fridge? Didn’t she grocery shop this week?
  7. Where are the left overs? I guess it’s frozen burritos again.
  8. Where are my work keys? I know I put them on the counter last night.
  9. I probably shouldn’t have asked her where my work keys are, she is such a grump.
  10. Oh look, here they are, in my work bag. Hilarious!
  11. I have a meeting in like 20 minutes, I better hurry up.
  12. Will this person every shut up? I can’t take another meeting.
  13. I wonder what we are having for dinner.
  14. I want steak. I bet she put something in that crock-pot. Damn thing. Its like eating baby food.
  15. I’m horny. Maybe I’ll send her a text.
  16. Why is she so grouchy? That text was hilarious.
  17. I didn’t say send a naked picture, I said a dirty picture. Seriously!
  18. I bet if I leave work by 4:00 I can play nine holes.
  19. Why didn’t she send a dirty picture?
  20. Maybe I’ll text her and tell her I’m bringing steak home to grill. That way its like I cooked dinner.
  21. I could use a nap. A nap and sex would be good right about now.
  22. Another meeting, kill me now.
  23. Count down time, one hour until golf.
  24. I forgot to put my last round in this new golf app I bought. I better do that know so it can analyze my projected score.
  25. Sign these documents and lock my office door. I can be outta her in like 10 minutes.
  26. I’ll just shoot her a text and let her know I’ll be home in a few hours.
  27. I know, I’ll remind her that the doctor said golf was good for my blood pressure. Yeah, that and sex are good for my blood pressure.
  28. I love golf.
  29. I love beer.
  30. I’m horny again.
  31. That was an awesome swing. I nailed that ball.
  32. I’m gonna nail her later.
  33. OK, wrapping up. I’ll text her that I’m getting in the car.
  34. Shit, she needs me to stop at the store.
  35. Oh good, I forgot I wanted steaks.
  36. Sweet, beer is on sale.
  37. Did she say something about toilet paper?
  38. Why is it so loud every time I walk in this house?
  39. Geeze, don’t look so happy that I’m home.
  40. Let’s get that steak on the grill.
  41. Smells good. I need a beer.
  42. Why does she get mad when I smack her ass? It’s a compliment.
  43. She didn’t even say thank you to mw. I did cook dinner.
  44. OK, it’s finally quiet. The kids are in bed.
  45. Come over her little lady and spend some time with Daddy. Why does she look at me like that?
  46. I know, I’ll make that pissy face so she’ll give in.
  47. Totally worked!
  48. Why does she keep getting out of bed? Of course the kids are still here, where does she think they will go?
  49. I’m tired.

So there you have it. Here are my assumptions of what goes through my husbands head from sunrise to sunset. I am not implying that these are your thoughts, your husbands thoughts, or anything else that will get your panties in a big huge wadded bunch. Relax and share this with someone who has a sense of humor.



You are not a hero. You are not a martyr. Using Gods word to discriminate simply makes you a coward. You are using the Bible to spew hate and intolerance, a book that was written to share love and mercy. The United States was formed as a result of abuse deliver by tyrannical leadership. The Declaration of Independence was penned to deliver a very specific point;

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.”

The Declaration clearly covers your right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It gives you the right to attend your church, worship your God, work your job, and raise your family. The Constitution that was created as a result of this Declaration is a living, breathing amendable document. It has grown and changed with the times and trials of this country. It has given birth to freedoms that were discussed in these documents, yet not acknowledged at that time.

This Constitution that covers your ability to openly and safely pray to God, gave birth to Women’s Suffrage, Brown Vs. the Board of Education and the Civil Right Act of 1964. This Constitution has delivered justice and freedom to those who because of prejudice and discrimination remained chained and silent long after the institution of this piece of paper.

Kim Davis, I urge you to read up on the subject of discrimination. Take some time and study the subject of American History. A history that is deeply rooted in religious freedom.

The First Amendment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

~Kim, the First Amendment does not give you the right to discriminate against someone based on your religious beliefs. It gives you the right to practice your beliefs, not impose them illegally on others.

The Civil Rights Act of 1964: Landmark piece of civil rights legislation in the United States, that outlawed discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin. It ended unequal application of voter registration requirements and racial segregation in schools, at the workplace and by facilities that served the general public

~Kim, you do not get to choose who is equal and who deserves respect and justice under the law, including individuals who come to the clerk’s office, a government facility that serves the public.

The Fourteenth Amendment: The Equal Protection Clause is part of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. The clause, which took effect in 1868, provides that no state shall deny to any person within its jurisdiction “the equal protection of the laws.”

~Kim, You do not get to use your position as a clerk to discriminate against anyone seeking anything that they legally have the right to obtain, including a marriage license.

Obergefell v. Hodges: Landmark United States Supreme Court case in which the Court held in a 5–4 decision that the fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same-sex couples by both the Due Process Clause and the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.

~Kim, it is over. The law is in the books. The Supreme court has upheld the verdict and your discrimination will not prevail.

So while you sit in that jail cell, I ask you to think. Think about your words, your actions, and your inability to obey the law. Sit and think about how your God would feel about the hate, judgment, and discrimination that you have passed on people who clearly have the legal right to marry. Perhaps next time you are required to issue a marriage license, you should hold your objections, and instead invite them to church. Perhaps offer some love on their wedding day, in lieu of hate.


Happy Friday!

I am back on The Commute with Nikki Medoro. Click the link and enjoy the show!

The supposed popularity of Ashley Madison and its “married dating” website leaves Nikki Medoro confused about what these people were thinking!  Meredith Masony of That’s Inappropriate is back after getting a lashing from some readers who thought she was being naive.  Meredith joins Nikki in discussing what to make of all this and she provides some “alternate vows” for this Ashley Madison world. Is “married dating” ok or a coward’s way out? I bet you can guess what Nikki thinks!

Episode 6: Alternate vows for an Ashley Madison world

Let me know what you think. Don’t forget to share with a friend.



RBF has been all over the internet as of late. I myself suffer from a serious case of “Resting Bitch Face.” I have been asked numerous times, “What’s wrong, why are you so upset?” Only to respond, “That’s just my face, I’m fine.” RBF apparently plagues many women from all walks of life. I recently read an article in the New York Times, explaining that men with stern faces, and longing looks are distinguished. I disagree. I believe that men suffer as well. I know this because my husband suffers from what I have deemed “Resting Dick Face.”

“Resting Dick Face” causes the face to squint and scowl, looking grouchy and constipated. RDF is usually prompted by the following situations:

~Asking for help with the kids.
~Asking for help with the dishes.
~Asking for help with the laundry.
~Spending time with the in-laws.
~Spending time with the wife’s friends.
~Listening to the wife talk about her day.
~Interrupting ESPN.
~Interrupting an NBA game.
~Interrupting an NFL game.
~Interrupting a PGA event.
~Interrupting a 30 for 30 special.
~Clothes shopping.
~Shoe shopping.
~Purse shopping.
~Home decor shopping.
~Event planning (Other then Super Bowl)
~Denying sex due to a headache.
~Denying sex due to your period.
~Denying sex due to exhaustion.
~Denying sex simply to deny sex.
There is hope. There are several known cures for RDF. They include golfing, fishing, drinking with friends, and watching Sports Center. The most effective and fastest cure for RDF is sexual intercourse, but oral sex will work if you are short on time.

So women, be aware that your man may suffer from RDF. Take a deep breath and know you are not alone. It isn’t necessary to seek medical attention right away. You can simply ask him to wipe that nasty look off his face and finish putting the kids to bed. He can pout on the couch later.


Every year women make the trek to their gynecologist to get their hoods popped. Yearly maintenance of the parts and pieces is required to make sure that everything is in good working order. I don’t necessarily mind the gynecologist, but I would be fine if we didn’t speak at all during the visit. It’s hard to make small talk when someone is pulling on your nipples like they’re salt water taffy. The worst is when the doctor is elbow deep in uterus and they continue the conversation. My biggest fear is that the doctor will point out my imperfections while buck naked on the examination table, shooting a V in the stirrups.

Here is a list of 15 things I NEVER want the gynecologist to say during an exam.

1: Have you ever considered waxing?
2. How many kids did you have? Wait, let me guess. Seven, did you have seven kids?
3. Someone forgot to do their Kegel exercises.
4. WOW! It’s quite roomy in here. You have more space then the trunk of a Lincoln Continental.
5. No one looks the same after pregnancy, but I do know a guy who can fix you. (Points to entire body)
6. Did your nipples always look in different directions? You know, like cock-eyed.
7. Are those stretch marks, or did a cat scratch the shit out of your ass?
8. You were probably pretty hot when you were younger. Do you have any pictures?
9. Did you breast feed? Looks like your kids were hungry little wolves, weren’t they?
10. Have you ever considered breast augmentation?
11. I’m sorry, that was the wrong hole. Give me a minute, I need to change my gloves.
12. Its like throwing a hot dog down a hallway in here. You know, there is a surgery to correct that.
13. You might feel some pressure, just kidding, this is going to hurt.
14. Stay right there, I lost my watch.
15. It looks like that tubal didn’t work. Congratulations, you’re pregnant.

I am happy that I only have to venture into that office once a year. I like keeping my cock-eyed nipples and roomy vagina a secret for the other 364 days.


I was born here. I have spent the majority of my life here. I live in a county with roughly 164,000 people. It’s not Leiper’s Fork Tennessee with and estimated 650 people, but it is a good sampling of small town USA. Florida is funky because we are a very large state. My county is composed of three city/townships that span 680 square miles of land. We have three high schools, three hospitals, one court house, and tons of small businesses and parks. It’s not Mayberry, but it’s and an average small town.

Last month I wrote about the Ashley Madison hack. I had no idea that the site existed, and I was a bit stunned to learn about online “Married” dating. I don’t live under a rock in this small town, I know people cheat. What I didn’t realize was how many people in my small town cheat. I didn’t realize how many people had given up on monogamy and chosen to stray, while posting happy family photos on Facebook.

It’s not what you know, but who you know. A friend, of a friend, of a friend, that I know handed me a hard drive with the first Ashley Madison data dump. I spent Friday night pouring over 2,600 excel files with millions of names. My source was kind enough to provide delimited data from two of the three cities in my small county. I sat face to screen with the harsh reality of “Married” dating.

Names of small business owners, community leaders, doctors, youth sports coaches, and friends. It was a very different feeling from finding out that Josh Duggar and Sam Radar, two Christian evangelists, were on the list. I don’t personally know those cheaters.

I am not writing this article to be the town crier. I have no interest in sharing the files or divulging names. However, based on a small sampling of the data, if I went to Walmart and 160 people were in the store, two of them would be Ashley Madison clients. Soon enough everyone will be able to see the full files and do their own search. Companies are already setting up websites to do email searches, in a matter of days you will be able to do a name check. I am writing this because it is the sad reality that we now live in. My opinion on “Married” dating, whether on Ashley Madison or in a local bar, is sad, deceptive, fraudulent, underhanded, and sleazy.

What hit me like a ton of bricks was seeing people who had recently gotten engaged, newlywed couples, and  20 year married veterans, were listed side by side in endless rows of excel data. Did this hack expose the death of monogamy? Should we stick a fork in it? Perhaps everyone who gets married from now on should be required to write their own vows.

New Marriage Vows should look something like this:
I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, when I’m not holding someone else, from this day forward, or until you catch me cheating, for better, for worse, probably not for worse, for richer, for poorer, definitely not for poorer, in sickness and in health, not if your sickness is a strain on me, until death do us part, are you up to date on your life insurance?

I myself have been married for 12 years. My marriage is not perfect. We fight, we fail each other, but we try. We don’t “Married” date. I am not here to throw stones from the porch of my glass house. I am here to say that life as we know it will change from this event. This hack will go down in the electronic history books.

This hack will change the way people live their “Online” lives. There is no such thing as privacy anymore. If you though what you did in the deep dark crevices of the internet was safe, you are mistaken. This hack will cause a “cyber” fallout with global ramifications. It has officially been announced that divorce attorneys will be experiencing “Christmas in September,” as millions of petitions for divorce will likely be filed.

I am concerned that this will mark the end of the institution of marriage as we know it. And to think that right wing politicians and religious evangelists wanted to blame gay marriage for the destruction of traditional American values. Traditional American Values in small town USA did that all on its own.