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Facebook has been inundated with photos of playful elves. You know the photos that I am talking about. The elf is pooping out marshmallows, or leaving shaving cream messages. Those elves are so mischievous. What little scamps they are. Well this past weekend my families elf apparently took several selfies. I received these photos in my email this morning. I was not pleased to say the least. Below you will find the email that was sent to me from Elfie.

Dear Host Family,

I hope you had a great weekend. I am loving your pad. I had a blast meeting new people. I just wanted to send a few pics to show you what a wonderful time I am having. You’re kids are spoiled brats by the way, totally on the naughty list. Thanks for the hospitality.

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Those Barbies are super slutty. Love those chicks.

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Willie and I had a great time cruzin in the Chevy with Barbie riding bitch.

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That Nutcracker is such a dick. He would not give me a straight answer.

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Frosty was not frosty at all, if you know what I mean.

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The Mistletoe worked like a charm, as if I needed any help.

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I am positive I will bag that buck this season. Santa can kiss it. Let Dasher have a shot at a call up for once.

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Barbie be like…Pizza for dinner. Cook a meal shorty or I will drop you like it’s hot.

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Batman was PISSED! What a tool. I gave her the what-for…Three times.

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It’s duck season. Enough said.

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That fat waiter had no idea what his Friday night was going to turn out to be.


Freaking fox. He wouldn’t even give me a clue. If I hear that song one more time.

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Three blondes and some booze. It was magical.

I am already calling dibs on your house next year.

Love, Elfie

So if you think your Elf is an inconvenient house guest this season, think again. You could have gotten Elfie, the beer drinking, Barbie defiling, buck hunting, snowman sodomite from the North Pole.

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